Marryin' Sam

    I'm sure you've heard of Sadie Hawkins Day. If not here's a brief rundown. A long time ago there was a popular comic strip called Li'l Abner and it took place in a remote village called Dogpatch which was populated with hillbillies and other country type folks. There was a woman in the comic strip named Sadie Hawkins who was "not too purty" as Al Capp the cartoonist wrote it, and single. Her father, anxious to get her married and out of his house, started a contest. All the single men would line up for a foot race with Sadie running behind. Whoever she caught that guy had to marry her.

   Well this idea from the comic strip caught on and there were lots of Sadie Hawkins dances where the girl would ask the guy to go to the dance rather than the other way around. So this brings me to tell you when I was "Marryin' Sam"

  I'm in the eighth grade here at the Intermediate school, as it was called back then in 1967. It's announced there's going to be a Sadie Hawkins dance so it's up to the girls to ask the boys for a date. The girls really seemed to like this idea,...the boys, well, not so much.

   Now for reasons unknown to me I was chosen by the teachers to be "Marryin' Sam", the Preacher who would say the wedding vows and unite the couples at the dance in Holy Matrimony. Can I get a "Hallelujah" brothers and sisters , Amen.So I was reluctant to do this at first but then I really got into it. I used some white medical tape on a black turtleneck shirt to make a preacher's collar and I started practicing reciting the wedding vows. I had been to a few weddings as well as watched fake ones on TV so I had a general idea of what to say or should I say "invoke".

  The big day arrives, my Dad drops me off at the school and I'm wearing the the shirt with the tape for a collar. A girl I know comes running over with a large black hat with a flat brim to complete the look of the Preacher. She plunks it down on my head. Now I started feeling kinda foolish.

    We all enter the school and head to the auditorium. The lights are only partly on so it's pretty dark . In one corner there's a teacher with a stack of records and a turntable set up on a table. In another corner is a wooden lectern with an overhead spotlight shining down on it, that's were I'm supposed to perform the "ceremonies". When I see my "pulpit" and the spotlight my stomach turns into knots. I think to myself, "I can't do this". A bad case of cold feet and stage fright. I spin around on my heels and head for the door figuring I'll just walk home. I'm stopped by a group of girls who grab me by the arms and surround me. The leader of the pack, Leevon, gets in my face and tells me I HAVE to do this, everyone is counting on me. I'm pushed and pulled back to the room and take my place behind the wooden stand with the light beaming down

   In a very short time a line was forming for couples to be "Hitched". The girls were all just ...beaming! Eye's sparkling, hair all done up and wearing their favorite dress. The boys on the other hand had there heads bent down looking at their shoes , tugging at the side of their corduroy pants with one hand while reluctantly holding the girls hand with the other.

 After I went through the first couple of little ceremonies I really began to enjoy this . Yes, the ham in me came out and I really started playing it up. Gesturing with my hands, modulating my voice, oh yeah and I got rid of the hat. Before I knew it the line before me was huge. Not to sound too braggadocios, but I put on quite a show.

  At the end of dance Leevon came over to me and said she wanted to marry me.I said I couldn't as I was the Preacher and couldn't be married. I could see I hurt her feelings and we never really talked after that. I'm sorry Leevon , wherever you are.

 Dad picked me up in the car and drove me home. I remember being really tired but also kind of happy. I liked being in the spot light standing behind the lectern and reciting the vows along with the occasional corny joke. Once a ham, always a ham.

      Take care, Bob or "Marryin' Sam" if you prefer.